motherf#&$er

It wasn't enough that the bladder cancer was the worst type known to medical science. No. Now they have found cancer on the prostate. Now, the nice doctor at Mass General says that it is non-invasive and that all *hah* they have to do is "scrape" it off and I'll be good to go for the radiation and chemo treatment for the bladder cancer.

OK, my bad. It has been about a month since I wrote the above paragraph, and things have progressed. They did, in fact, have me in for another bout with the trans-urethral operating apparatus, and they did, in fact, scrap off more nasty little malignant cells. My urologist in Boston assures me that he is 99% certain that he got everything and that I should be good to go for the "treatment" except...

Way back in October, when I had my fist CT scan, they noticed something in my lungs. These were very small somethings, but I was told to have them looked at after the bladder cancer was dealt with. Well, after my two operations here in New Jersey, my doctor decided that I should have a PET CT scan of the chest just to see what was there. Well, long and short of it was that the little nodes did not light up, and the radiologist who examined the scan stated in his report that the nodes in my lungs did not react like cancer and were, therefore, not malignant and need only be watched over time. However, since the good people in Boston had not actually done the scan or been first to interpret them, they have decided that those scans were "inconclusive". So, then had me do another chest CT scan at Mass General which they also deemed "inconclusive." Now they have me scheduled for another PET CT scan the 1st of March. Hopefully, the results will be the same as they were here in New Jersey and that will be "conclusive" enough to get me going on the radiation/chemo program.

As it is explained to me, if the spots in my lungs should prove to be cancer, my treatment changes radically. The problem is that, right now, all the little bumps in my lungs are too small even to biopsy. That's why they put me on hold for a month. They want to see if anything grows large enough to do a biopsy on it. Of course, if anything does grow, that means the chances of it being cancer increase by a couple factors of 10.

So, I wait for March 1st to roll around and I try not to let it eat away at me. God, I do want this episode in my life to be over and for me to get on with things. I am so tired of waiting...